Over the years, I've lectured to tens of thousands of people on the subject of improving their quality of life. One of the main points I make is that an essential element of having more of the life you want is dedicating at least some time each day to clearing and quieting your mind.
After describing the practical, physiological, emotional, mental, and of course spiritual benefits of taking even just a few minutes a day to meditate or relax deeply, it's clear that most people are genuinely inspired to do it. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of people ever act on their inspiration. But these would-be meditators are not alone. The truth is that many of us don't apply ourselves enough to achieve the positive life changes to which we aspire: the desire to lose weight, exercise regularly, get organized, work less, get more sleep, enrich our spiritual life, spend less time on the internet, stop smoking, or possibly, yes, have a regular meditation practice. Why? Why is it that we so often fail to successfully make the changes we really want? The simple answer is: pain. It's all about pain.
More than three decades ago, when I was just starting to meditate, I found that I resisted it. Despite all the benefits it provided me, despite being aware of how much better my life was whenever I did it, I failed to do it consistently. Curious about how to overcome my resistance and convert my enthusiasm for it into a regular practice, I approached my teacher.
"What do you feel like when you don't do it," he asked.
"Not so great," I said. "I feel less clear, less inspired, less confident, less comfortable."
"Great," he said. "Keep that at the forefront of your mind. The more mindful you are of the pain of not doing it, the less likely you are to not practice." I remember thinking, "That's it? 'Recall the pain of not doing it,' that's the secret to practicing regularly?" It took time, but I would eventually learn that my teacher had asked me to apply the critical element that determines practically all human behavior -- the desire to avoid pain. Our desire to avoid pain is why we find it difficult to start or sustain a new habit or achieve our goals.
Research shows that the pull or attraction for whatever we hope to do, have, or become is a far lesspowerful motivating force than our desire to avoid the inevitable pain we experience while we're in the process of achieving the things to which we aspire. Thus, for instance, if we want (but fail) to change our diet, even if we really, really want to, it is because we associate more pain with making the necessary changes to our diet than the pain we experience with the way we are currently eating. In short, as long as you identify change as being more painful than not changing, odds are that you won't change. Keep reading.
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