Happy or Mania?

I'm an O Magazine subscriber and one of my favorite contributors is Martha Beck, a life coach.  Recently I was really struck by an article she penned in the February 2012 Issue titled "How to Find the Kind of Joy That Lasts."  As someone who can be annoyingly introspective, the title appealed to me immediately.  

happy holding Evie.

After reading it there were a number of things that stuck with me and I found very helpful.  She first pointed out that our culture-and specifically the media-creates the expectation that when we're happy we're jumping up and down, screaming, moved to tears etc.  For example people are way too happy about new sandwiches at McDonalds, or 2 for 1 appetizers at Chilli's.  Seriously, watch them next time, have you ever been that happy about anything?  Beck points out that these ads actually demonstrate manic euphoria:  "everything I'd seen during the broadcast suggested that the ideal emotional state is one of intense, manic euphoria, and that we should all feel that way almost all the time."


So this was realization one for me:  crazy mind-blowing jumping up in down isn't happiness.  Moreover, it shouldn't be the goal and certainly not the ruler to which I measure my emotional state.  Not to say I should never get so excited that I'm jumping with joy-I just need to acknowledge the difference and not let getting my mind blown the way I determine if I'm happy or not.   


So let's talk about the experience you feel when it is this manic euphoria.  Like, the Gators winning a National Football Championship the same year they won the National Basketball Championship, for example.  I was in Gainesville and one of the hundreds who flooded the streets, climbed palm trees and light poles chanting our fight song.  Beck calls this mania and says it triggers our neurological fight-or-flight mechanism and after such an emotional flood to our system we then experience a crash.  She actually uses the example of those soccer games in Europe where the winning team's fans get totally cray cray and end up trashing the place and turning violent.  Our fight or flight system predisposes us to violence.  When fight or flight is "on" relaxing and connecting are "off."  True joy or happiness isn't full of emotional extremes, it's peaceful.  Thinking of times when I felt happiness memories of hanging out with old friends and laughing, Sunday afternoons naps with my wife or holding my niece or nephew came to mind.  I was happy in all of those moments, those peaceful, idyllic moments that weren't complicated.  There were no highs and lows, that's true happiness.  So, how do I cultivate happiness like that?  How do I make more memories like this and lead a fulfilling life?  (I warned you, annoyingly introspective.)  


I, like most people, get frustrated sometimes when the advice is to "be here now."  That sounds awesome, sign me up.  Now how do I do that?  Because I've tried.  I usually get distracted.  Beck says it can be simple, "create something" she advises.  When we create dopamine is released.  When we're creating we are much more "in the moment" and less concerned with finding the manic highs.  Our bodies and mind are satisfied.  Mmmmm dopamine, so satisfying.  If you think of a time that you were cooking, or crafting, or making up a workout it was probably easier to be in the moment.  Easier to keep your thoughts in the present moment instead of what you need to do in 3 hours.  Practice by creating more and more frequently.  Hooray for bedazzlers and glue!  


After reading Beck's article I realized I had been comparing or judging (you know, judging, it's always a good idea) my emotional state against the ads, the rom-coms where it all works out in the end, moments of mania.  Recognizing the mistake made me feel, free and dum dum duuuum drumroll please, happy.  Getting a more accurate idea of happiness I realized that, frankly, I'm typically pretty happy.  So, set yourself free!  Let those moments after boot camp when you're tired and stretching as the sun is rising be your ruler, not the winner on The Price is Right.  


That's just, like, my opinion man read the whole article HERE.