I’m fighting in my head and thought, I can’t be the only one going through this and I just don’t want to go through it alone! So here we go, here’s my fight.
It hurts, doesn’t it? When you haven’t worked out in a while, you lose your place. You lose that fitness. I remember fully well how terrific I felt before I was sidelined and I go to run or bike or swim and my body doesn’t give me what I’m expecting in my head to have happen and it’s frustrating.
I go to push my pace or devour a hill and it hurts today to do what I did easily a few months ago. Ugh. Then it is making me dread working out, but how crazy is that? If I don’t work out, I’ll never get that fitness back. So I go and put my head down, shut that voice up that is disappointed, and keep slugging it out.
That voice. That voice that says to me, are you kidding me? This is all you can do right now? Oh man, how long is it going to take to recover the ground lost? Then I’m angry that I have to do all of that work AGAIN? Have you ever been in this place?
I’m living on Advil. I call them adult tic tacs these days. I go to get up from sitting down and feel like I have to peel myself up out of the chair and slowly unfold my aching muscles. A nice hot shower is a bit too much on the heavenly scale these days. It really shouldn’t be that compelling. I pray for time in my day to get a massage but haven’t been able to carve out time for it just yet. Ugh.
Am I alone? Please tell me that you’re fighting your way back too, or maybe you’re a few steps ahead of me and can assure me I’ll be strong and fast again soon! Gosh, I need to hear that today.
If you’re a few steps behind me, I’m here to be that voice for you! I remember where I was 2 years ago when I had so much more stored energy than I do today. (stored energy = fat stores!) I remember how dreadfully slow and painful it was for me then. I got through it and to a much higher plane by just keeping myself moving.
I didn’t care about time, speed or any of the things I compete with myself against today.
Maybe I just need to reset my brain? Just allow myself room to recover and allow there to be joy that I’m back in the game, or at least on the edge of the game again. To stop competing with my bike computer, my lap times or average mile pace.
I tell people almost every day of my life to be grateful for a body that can and will. To be grateful for a body that says yes and lets you go out and play today. Why am I having so much trouble listening to myself? It’s almost comical. Is really embarrassing if I let myself own this truth.
Hmm. I am still fighting letting go of the knot of anxiety that is twisting in my chest. I LIKE that I have such expectations of myself. I am being so transparent with you right now. I am realizing how much I don’t like being weak. I’ve always known that I love being strong and fit, but I never stepped into how much I dislike feeling weak and un-able.
Ok, thanks for letting me think through this with you. In recovering from an injury or illness, or just LIFE that has taken you away from being fit, you must just accept where you are. Be grateful that you are able bodied and can go move and change and DO something about it. Don’t let yourself think about it while you’re going through it. Just do it. Take over the counter meds, hot showers and massages where you can to survive this phase. Know this phase will blossom into that place of speed and strength and fitness that feels powerful and fun. Bring others with you on the journey – it’s so much more meaningful when you do!
I’ll be out there on the road slugging it out this week. Look for me. I’ll be looking for you and maybe we can encourage each other.
Until then,
Fighting for the Fit Life
Melanie
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